There are times when you just have to sit back and let the world pass you by or you can’t get to sleep. Bedtime is my time to grind teeth in angst. Last night my angst came from doing my taxes and contemplating the impossible presidency of Donald Trump. But relief finally came when I stretched my imagination to a probable diplomatic meeting between a newly elected President Trump and Kim Jong Un.
I imagined the conversation might go something like this:
Trump: So Kim Jong, son of Il, funny and appropriate name, by the way. You do look a little ill. Are you not feeling well, little man? And you are a little guy. (Turns and looks at Secret Service contingent standing behind him and addresses them- How am I doing? We sure are having fun aren’t we?)
Kim Jong: What you mean by ‘little guy?’ Be aware and hold your tongue big fat greasy American with strange orange squirrel on head. You are in the presence of Supreme God Leader President For Life Of Empire Of North Korea. Smelly barbarian only serves for 4 years and can be thrown out unless voted in next term. Kim Jong Supreme Imperial Choice Of God is ruler for life.
Trump: Maybe, but I’m a billionaire and big businessman. Little guy like you probably has a teeny weenie too…and no supermodel to bang every night. I love to see her on her knees. (Turns and winks at Secret Service. One gives him a thumbs up.)
Kim Jong: As Imperial Supreme Leader I can have anyone I want in my bed. Beautiful women, pretty boys, orangutans…who or whatever I want. Maybe you even get on your knees for me. Hehehehe! (Turns and waves to ten thousand soldiers standing at attention in the square. There is a thunderous click as they all bring their heels together and laugh on command.)
Trump: You think that’s so hot? I have new ICBMS that are so accurate they can give you a haircut…not that you need it with that dumb flat top. (Grins at bodyguards and nods. What do you think boys? Like the way I slid the BM in on him? I warned I was gonna bomb the shit out of him, now I can bomb him with shit. Good joke huh? Isn’t it fun up here? Secret Service remain motionless.)
Kim Jong: Looks like he’s texting. One of his officers comes over and bends his ear close, then nods as he turns and straightens up before walking away. Kim Jong waves at the military in the square who click their heels again. He turns to Trump and speaks — I don’t think you are so funny, and you won’t either when my first nuclear bomb hits Hawaii. I have ordered one bomb for each insult to the Holy Imperial Sovereign of Sacred Land Of Beauty.
Trump: Turns and motions to one of the Secret Service men. Man walks over, opens a case and displays it in front of Trump who leans over and fumbles around inside.
Man With Case: Mr. President, Sir, you have pushed the red button and entered the code for Pyongyang.
Trump: So? I’ve had enough of this dumbass kid. I’m going to bomb the shit out of him like I promised.
Man With Case: Mr President, we have to get out of here, and fast.
Trump: What’s the rush? It will take hours to get the bombs here from the States.
Man With Case: Uhhh, Mr. President. The nukes will be launched from a submarine just off the coast in the Yellow Sea only a few minutes away. Didn’t you read the briefing the Joint Chiefs gave you before we left?
Trump: I don’t bother with that shit. I’m smarter then all of those assholes, especially the fat assed broad who thinks she’s an Admiral. And what the hell is that whistling sound I hear overhead?
We could be so screwed!